POOP

"If you don't wipe ya butt, is that called skim marks or skid marks?"

"Skid marks."

"Skid? Okay. That's really funny. I'm textin' someone they got some."

V-Day

Girl A had her phone read out a text message, "No woman will ever be satisfied on Valentine's Day because no man has a chocolate penis that ejaculates money." They all laughed about how clear the woman's voice was.

They played this text 3 more times.

Over and Over and Over...

While on her cell phone, a co-worker said, "Are you fucking serious?" a total of 7 times.

All Natural

"Natural put the donut in the microwave for 20 minutes."

"My cousin put a damn can in the microwave."

"Ask me how old Natural is."

"How old is she?"

"She's 3."

"Oh for real?"

"Yeah. I keep tryin' to get her to sing 'Natural Woman'."

Homemade Sangria

"I'ma have a concert. I'ma sing all whitney houston songs.

"If you not a professional, you can't charge nothin'."

"Nah, I'ma do it for free."

"Where, in the kitchen?"

"No."

"You gonna have food?"

"No."

"Liquor?"

"Yeah."

"What kind?"

"I'ma buy wine."

"Out the box?"

"No. I'ma get a couple bottles and some sangria."

"Buy the mix or make it?"

"No, I'ma make it. "

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

"My Dad wanted to name me Watesha Daneek."

Feets

One of the owners of Eternity Shoes was quoted as calling his customers 'low class'.

"How you gone come out and call ya customer's low end? Are you serious? You really came out ya mouf with that shit?"